The issues of updating
The times that I feel the most lethargic and want to inform people of what's going on the least are generally the times that I should update the most. I really don't feel like writing anything right now which probably means that now is when I have the most to say. I spend a great deal of my energy being positive and upbeat even as things keep spiralling downward as I have been in worse places and have learned that there is no point in getting upset at what you can't do anything about. I can however make a positive impact on the life of others so I focus on that.
I have not led a spoiled life and through the past little while I have come to realize that others, who don't act on the surface as spoiled, actually are very much so. I'm not saying that to be mean. It wasn't until my ex gave our money to her family and then left me with the bills did I realize what it was like to literally not have anything, including a roof over my head and having to beg coworkers to share some of their medication in order to get insulin to stay alive did I see that even though we didn't have much money before, we were spoiled. We didn't save. We went out whenever we wanted and we enjoyed our lifestyle even as meager as it was. I understand that when a person works hard they feel that they should be able to spend their money the way that they want. I get that, I really do. When it's life that throws the curve ball and not somebody screwing you over sometimes changes need to be made. I'm somebody that in the past when I needed extra money I just worked extra hours. They were always available and I had three jobs on the go so making money was not an issue. For the past year or so it has been an issue as I haven't been able to make up the difference due to my illnesses and my transplants. Oh I got my kidney and pancreas transplants by the way. I just assumed that if you know me you would know that part by now. They are still healing but I am getting there.
There has also been a great deal of negativity being thrown around lately; more-so than usual even and mostly by the ones that insist that only they care. At least that's what they like the public to know. I'm not sick of them as generally they are sweet people but I am more than sick of the blame, the guilt and the insults that have been thrown our way by these people. They don't get it. I don't think they even try to get it. They have never been in our shoes. I now know many people that have been there and a few that are trying to prepare to be there in the future. It is quite difficult to go from a two income family to a less than one income due to one person being sick and the person needing to take time away from work to take care of them and then add medical bills on top of that and you not knowing when you can start trying to make plans again as you don't know when it will get better. I have started looking for work even though I have not been cleared medically to start looking for work because we need the income. It is hard to look for work when you are still dealing with a major surgery and can't stand for long periods of time or barely wear regular pants due to the incision wound. I also can't look for anything full time as it will cost me the health coverage that I do have which saves me close to $5000 a month. My options are pretty slim...but I try and I'll keep trying until it gets easier and until I am able to stand for long periods of time and able to wear regular pants and able to find a fulltime job that has medical coverage. Why? Because otherwise the person that died for me to live died for no reason and for those that think we're stupid, make all the wrong choices and that this whole situation is my fault, well unlike you I am better than you so I hope you never have to find out what I go through everyday of my life.
So goodnight as I have to go and sell some more things that I appreciate that we bought when we were both working and had the money, in order to help keep us afloat until I can work again.
I know this note was supposed to be more positive but trust me it could've been much much more negative. Good night.
I have not led a spoiled life and through the past little while I have come to realize that others, who don't act on the surface as spoiled, actually are very much so. I'm not saying that to be mean. It wasn't until my ex gave our money to her family and then left me with the bills did I realize what it was like to literally not have anything, including a roof over my head and having to beg coworkers to share some of their medication in order to get insulin to stay alive did I see that even though we didn't have much money before, we were spoiled. We didn't save. We went out whenever we wanted and we enjoyed our lifestyle even as meager as it was. I understand that when a person works hard they feel that they should be able to spend their money the way that they want. I get that, I really do. When it's life that throws the curve ball and not somebody screwing you over sometimes changes need to be made. I'm somebody that in the past when I needed extra money I just worked extra hours. They were always available and I had three jobs on the go so making money was not an issue. For the past year or so it has been an issue as I haven't been able to make up the difference due to my illnesses and my transplants. Oh I got my kidney and pancreas transplants by the way. I just assumed that if you know me you would know that part by now. They are still healing but I am getting there.
There has also been a great deal of negativity being thrown around lately; more-so than usual even and mostly by the ones that insist that only they care. At least that's what they like the public to know. I'm not sick of them as generally they are sweet people but I am more than sick of the blame, the guilt and the insults that have been thrown our way by these people. They don't get it. I don't think they even try to get it. They have never been in our shoes. I now know many people that have been there and a few that are trying to prepare to be there in the future. It is quite difficult to go from a two income family to a less than one income due to one person being sick and the person needing to take time away from work to take care of them and then add medical bills on top of that and you not knowing when you can start trying to make plans again as you don't know when it will get better. I have started looking for work even though I have not been cleared medically to start looking for work because we need the income. It is hard to look for work when you are still dealing with a major surgery and can't stand for long periods of time or barely wear regular pants due to the incision wound. I also can't look for anything full time as it will cost me the health coverage that I do have which saves me close to $5000 a month. My options are pretty slim...but I try and I'll keep trying until it gets easier and until I am able to stand for long periods of time and able to wear regular pants and able to find a fulltime job that has medical coverage. Why? Because otherwise the person that died for me to live died for no reason and for those that think we're stupid, make all the wrong choices and that this whole situation is my fault, well unlike you I am better than you so I hope you never have to find out what I go through everyday of my life.
So goodnight as I have to go and sell some more things that I appreciate that we bought when we were both working and had the money, in order to help keep us afloat until I can work again.
I know this note was supposed to be more positive but trust me it could've been much much more negative. Good night.
posted by Spirtswoosh at 1:45 AM
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